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THE HORSE CAN FLY

SHIRLEY ANNE

“In our heart, we seem to know that sadness is as essential to life as joy and have learned that we benefit from a good cry as much as a good laugh.” - Paul Pearsall, Ph.D, The Heart’s Code

Dear Friends;

A strange title I know; I warmly invite you to accompany me on my outer and inner journey as I received faith messages through a difficult time. My intuition tells me the completion of this work will allow closure and my next new chapter in life will open.

I Start With My Dream

I am on a sandbar and the channel to cross is just a bit too deep and the current is too strong for me to safely get across. I am now in the water and there is a white horse on my left side swimming beside me; I know I must hang onto the mane at the withers of the white horse and allow it to assist me. I can feel the safety and security in the horse’s strength and I know the shore will be reached.

My State Of Mind When I Started Writing This

I want to write, I have been asked to write, I have many stories to tell that can provide light to others. Where do I start? What do I want my website to look like? What exactly do I want the result to be? How can I navigate through the unknown internet corridors of technology and lingo?

Even as I am writing ideas down they multiply and create indecision. While doing my chores around the house and yard my head is still in the clouds recounting stories and ideas. Order is needed.

At the same time as I am trying to get myself grounded with a good orderly direction, I am still in the process of processing grief. I had to put my heart horse, Teebo, down; it is a painful loss for me as he brought so much love, joy, and purpose to my retired life. Time is passing and although I still get visits from him in dreams, the space has been somewhat filling in and for the most part, I am okay other than I would like to get writing because it would help to fill that void.

At the age of 70, I know I am in a new chapter of my life. I am familiar and practiced with the process of grief; I am not trying to get around it or avoid it, I just want to finally get through it.

So No More Trying To Figure Things Out.

As I mentioned in my opening I have decided to get focused and get grounded by writing this blog. I have decided to write about the day and the events that followed after Teebo’s assisted crossover.

Whew…some painful processing is about to happen here but I would not be wading in if I did not trust I would be led to some helpful insight that can be used for Greater Good as well I trust when this writing is completed new solid ground will be reached. So I continue forward into deeper waters.

I Visit The Day The Decision Was Made

The morning I arrived at the barn, as always, I was looking forward to seeing Teebo. I am not going to rehash all his health issues that were going wrong; I am just going to say when I saw his condition I knew we had hit a wall and I realized there was nothing I could do nor was there any medication available that could help. He had just slipped further down the inevitable downhill slope despite all efforts; I knew there was no way I could go home and leave him yet another night to endure and fall further into more discomfort. His already heavy compromised standard of life had just dropped below an acceptable level.

The decision was made and an invisible Power picked me up and carried me forward that day. There was a strength of conviction accompanied by the heartbreaking knowledge this was our final goodbye.

Fast Forward

Teebo lay still, the life was gone from his eyes then he coughed…I panicked thinking something had gone wrong and Teebo was in pain, I gasped “He is still alive” … “no" "just air escaping” I was told…true he was no longer conscious but still there was an aliveness in the movement. I now believe it was his Spirit leaving ….no longer tethered to a malfunctioning uncomfortable body. Although I have never personally experienced seeing the Spirit leave on last breath, I have heard first-hand stories of a few people seeing a light leave. Another first-hand story came when a horse was laid to rest in the arena, some time later an autistic boy would come in and excitedly point to a horse running around when the arena was empty.

My final words to Teebo’s Spirit… “I wish I could have done more” meaning I wish there had been a remedy available for both our sakes.

Never has there been even a whisper of regret with my decision, just a large still void filled with grief where once it had been filled with his engaging character, nickers of welcome, neighs that signalled “thank God you are here, something is wrong”, acknowledgments of appreciation and even attempts to console if I was sad.

I Was Not Present For The Next Happening

Teebo’s imprint in the sand was raked over by “Oma”, I will call her that for sake of anonymity, she is my friend and was my support person throughout the euthanasia process. I will also mention her daughter (both Oma and her daughter are co-owners of the facility) was also present for which I am equally grateful for providing much-needed support. Both knew Teebo personally and had cared for him, so the emotional charge was high in that space.

Oma had returned to the arena shortly after she had collected her granddaughter. Her three-year-old granddaughter was “babysitting” a fellow boarder’s little dog and she wanted to walk her charge in the indoor arena.

I am told by Oma her granddaughter knew nothing of what had taken place previously in the arena.

As they entered the arena the granddaughter asked Oma to take the dog for her and to sit on a nearby bench. Oma turned her back and as she was walking away, she turned to look at her granddaughter and to her shock, her granddaughter was laying on her back, her beautiful curls in the sand right where Teebo had lain; she was busy flapping her arms and legs. The granddaughter then got up and said, “ Look Oma” “I made an angel”. Oma was so taken aback that she took a picture and felt she had to share this incident with me.

So What Do I Make Of This

There was a coinciding incident here; there were two imprints made in the exact same spot. One of a horse and one of an angel.

I felt there was a message there for sure but when something like this happens I generally lean toward the belief the message is for the person that first sees it. Not all share this thought apparently.

My sister felt this was a definite message and said “oh, my prayer group will be glad to hear this. We were wondering why our prayers were not answered, God had a different plan.”

So if this angel story is for me …I examine it a little further. The angel imprint was made because the thought of an angel came into the granddaughter’s mind and she was impressed to impulsively create a sand-angel.

What exactly is an angel? I looked it up. It is a messenger from God.

The next question that comes to mind would be what is the message if it was meant for me ..TRUST

That is what jumped into my mind, I am not going to analyze it other than to say that morning I was aware of a strong supernatural force propelling me forward. As I mentioned, as I write I am allowing what is to be revealed for me personally ……that supernatural force was Go(o)d given and I trust that. Whatever else will be revealed when it is supposed to be.

The other interesting incident that was remarked on by Oma was how quickly everything fell into alignment. When the call went out for the vet, she was just around the corner and just leaving her completed appointment. There was no waiting.

There Is Another Important Person That Is A Big Part To This Story

Teebo trusted two people on his back, myself and a teenage girl who came into his life adding much love to some of his days. She cared for him when I was away and combined with two weekly visits a bond was formed between the two that was undeniable.

It was not until I contacted her about Teebo’s passing and talked to her did I realize the huge depth of grief she was experiencing and just how important a role Teebo played in her life. That is her story to tell. My heart went out to her and somehow I wished I could alleviate her pain. So it is together for a time we became fellow travellers in our grief.

Thankfully kind boarders offered her their horses to help in the transition out of grief but I could tell by her Facebook postings of pictures and video clips of Teebo she still had moments like myself.

Her first Facebook posting after Teebo's passing was a touching sorrowful and soulful message that ended with “ FLY HIGH MY MAN”

Sometime later she shared with me a picture she took that reminded her of Teebo flying high. The image of a winged horse in the clouds.

This was the point I thought my post was going to end and I would do a summary

G-awe-D Had Other Plans

The next incident took place during the weeks of writing this post.

I have a library of books and each morning I have a habit of selecting one to read with my first coffee of the morning. I open the book randomly and read what it is telling me; it is usually a message I need to hear.

This morning I wondered what books were in the hard-to-reach area of my library, the ones I had shelved because they aided me through journeys that are now past but I did not have the heart to throw them out.

In the shuffle of books as I am reaching where I cannot see I feel one dilapidated paperback book; I pulled it out. It was a book I had read thirty years ago during my late husband’s struggle with a cancerous brain tumour. It is not a book I had wanted to visit again because it evoked a visit to a painful time and although the author had triumphed over cancer, Gerry had not.

I opened the book and the first words that hit me were “The Horse Can Fly”.

Given the earlier picture of the winged horse, you can perhaps see why the title The Horse Can Fly impacted me.

What did it mean to me?

What it means to me personally pertains to this project that I am about to venture forward with. There are doubts and fears within myself as well as feelings of being overwhelmed yet despite all that my message is……...It Can Happen!

I am now reminded of that important word that was mentioned earlier. TRUST!

This finding is indeed a gift. Two actually.

One: I knew immediately “The Horse Can Fly” is what my first post would be titled because I am now situated at the open gate of possibility.

Two: My vision I now hold is a beautiful white-winged horse tipped with a golden light rising in the sky…The Horse Can Fly…Its name: SUCCESS.

Finally …Returning To My Dream And Closing

Through the process of writing this, I have been crossing some deep dark channels indeed, culminating in many soaked tissues. It has taken me days where I would write and then have to leave it. It has been a struggle to try to describe feelings because I just felt them. I am rusty at writing; articulating my experience and messages has been difficult and here I am arriving at a destination I had not even planned on.

Most of all I wanted this post to portray not “a know it all” nor anything contrived but to simply show examples of Universe answering and delivering messages.

I know the writing of this story, governed by my inner white horse, has helped me through the deep waters of sorrow to solid ground. That I feel. All my writings are to serve. In the chairs of Alanon many years ago I learned the value of a story that was personal and spoke authentically of one’s experience, strength, and hope.

I will end with the white horse. The totem spirit of a horse is freedom and that is what I have been seeking within the writing of this post; freedom from the lower energies and lifted into the higher energies.

I share with you some words from a site I used to determine the meaning of a white horse in dreams.

Horses with white coats typically represent power and courage. Religious icons depicted riding white horses signal the beginning of a new age or the courage to spread the word.

Horses generally embody power, courage, and personal drive that motivates individuals to move forward through life’s obstacles. Horses transported humans to new destinations for thousands of years, and their spirit continues to reveal unchartered territories.

https://horseracingsense.com/what-do-horses-symbolize-art-dreams-bible/

Good Grief!! There Is More!!

G-awe-D Wants The Final Say. (emphasis on awe)

The un-manifest just became manifest!

Since Teebo’s passing the girl who touched both Teebo’s and my heart moved with her family to another area of the province away from all that was familiar at the barn. Because we have the “horse gene” I knew horseless days for her would seem somewhat empty. I hoped that somehow a connection to horses would be made.

Ta….Daaaaa